my canoe of thought is taking water

The not so Decent Proposal

2011-11-22T08:28:00.001+05:30

There comes a point in everyone’s life - regardless of cast, creed and race; of whether you are a believer or an atheist, belieber or a rationalist, lady gaga or whatever the opposite of that is. . - When we pause, sink to self with introspection and after a long stare in the mirror say ‘I think I have to hit the gym’.

If only I had a rupee every time someone said - "If only I had a nickel every time I heard someone say 'I think I have to hit the gym'." - I would have bailed out Kingfisher by now.
Of all the countless people with this enticing thought (of "hitting" the gym), only a few elite would actually dare to execute it, and of the few - only a lucky one or two would return, swallowing the embarrassment caused, to tell you their story of survival. If you are standing up, please sit down - for I am about to tell you that I am one of them. I belong to the group of chosen ones, a group that has seen the dark side and survived to tell you the tale - a group so small, that you can count them using your index fingers.

The whole world is divided into two kinds – the first, us, the simple frail unathletic kind, for whom bones are either like keys – you’ve to look really hard to find them or bones are simply the z-axis; And then there is the second kind, them, the athletic types, the bullies of the world, for whom the former's bones are like promises, meant to be broken.

After registering at a near-by gym, I was asked to meet a Physiotherapist to evaluate my current level of fitness. I was a bit nervous, for evaluating me in fitness is like evaluating Shahrukh Khan, Sreesanth and S M Krishna in acting, cricketing and oratory skills quite respectively or irrespectively.

My phsyio was a woman in her late twenties, I reckon, who looked strong enough to lift me up by neck with her right hand and knock me down dead with her left. I tried to be as nonchalant as possible as I walked into her room, slowly identifying my nearest exits in case of an emergency

She saw me walking in and picked up her pen from the table, holding it above the writing pad as if she is about write something really important but doesn’t exactly remember what, paused for a moment, and then turned to me and said, "We will test your stamina, flexibility etc."
For the next few minutes we went to through a series of exercises; I wouldn’t want to go into the specifics but if you are curios, please Google for ‘the eye of the tiger Rocky’ and watch the relevant videos.
The entire episode, which lasted for around 5 minutes but felt like a life time, left me cramping with pain like Apollo Creed at the end of the 15^th round.
She looked at her watch and scribbled down few comments on the notepad - and looked straight into my eyes and said what no woman has ever said to me before -
"I will have to measure your body fat now"
I gave her a puzzled look not sure of what to say - so she went on
"They are two ways we can do this, one - you take off your shirt and I will note down some measurements; or two - we use this machine (pointing to a small machine to her left) which would cost you 250 bucks." She stopped and shrugged pointing her hand towards me in a gesture that meant that the ball is in my court.
There comes a point in everyone’s life when you have to choose between the two roads, between an embarrassing one and the economical one. It is this decision that would decide whether you would grow up to be part of the bully kind, or the simple, frail, unathletic kind. So, I looked straight into her eyes without flinching for a moment (what to a third party observer would have seemed like a cowboy standoff).
And I said - "Let me go get my wallet"

Back from a block (I guess) . . . with random hyperlinks

2011-07-31T10:12:00.000+05:30

Has it ever happened to you that you are on a comfy chair in your room watching a scenic rainy day from your window juggling between Gmail, Reader, Facebook, Twitter, Quora (and all that) on your browser and a sudden wave of introspection hits leaving you wondering about everything and - how the fudge did I get here? (No! No! not to The Comfy Chair! in my room- I am talking about the whole internet footprint thingy).

Just a decade back internet was this vague thing where your elder cousin goes to meet random girls from across the globe pretending to be Chiranjeevi (now, if you had to click on the hyperlink to know who that dude is? I say – go die, you lucky bustard!).

But, as you spend a little more time around this series of tubes they call internet, creeped out by this virtual world where so called brazillian girls think fat dudes with thick mustaches are cute (don't ask me how, I just happen to know - that's all!); you realize that internet is a completely different world – where people go to watch brilliantly photoshopped naked pictures of famous people. I still remember the day, years later, when I tried my hands on softwares like photoshop and probably had the most weird epiphany of my life (ah! The day I lost my innocence)

What has it turned into now? - almost everything. What has happened to those long waits for web pages to load up? Every mobile device now has zillion times faster internet and there are now political scams based on it. I mean what happened to those ultra cool days of conceptualizing scams on anti-aircraft autocannon weapons?

The Nazi Salon!

2010-03-13T14:18:00.005+05:30

I got up early today to pay my Electric Bill, something I’ve gotten used to now-a-days – no not getting up early, paying bills! Anyhow, after a lot of fight with the new BESCOM ATM styled automatic bill payment machines, I ended up losing all the change in my wallet and was left with a 1000 buck note – the result of what happens if you think too much; should I put a 1000 buck note and let the balance get deducted from next bill? Or should I give the machine nearly the exact change? Time value of money and all that BS.

On my way back I found this “Haircut beauty parlor for men”, I was a little bit hesitant to walk, but still did as I was looking for a salon since I moved to this new part of Bangalore. Now I really don’t care about my hair, I frankly don’t, and I can easily count the number of times I’ve had to use a comb (two, if you count the time I had to do this weird Sanskrit skit in school, which is a completely different story). And I believe, getting a haircut done is something that comes naturally to me. Seriously, I don’t know if they have a record for the youngest kid to walk into a salon all by himself, but if there is one I should have totally got it.

I learned the nuances of getting a hair cut done early on in my life, if I can proudly say. It was easy and all I had to do or rather the secret behind my success in this task was to answer that one simple question with one word – do you want it short or medium?

Every barber asks the same question and the answer to it, if you are a kid, undoubtedly with a strong inflection on the word – Short!! Now I understood early on that this was the reply that would result in something that would keep both my parents and that physical training teacher at school happy. To put it in few words, I was a good boy, who made his parents proud every time he had a haircut.

Wherever I go, the barbers seem to keep things easy to me by asking the same question. I knew a lot of kids who used to complicate the answer to this question by showing pictures on the wall, describing some movie star e.t.c these are exactly the kids that got into a lot of trouble at school.. And when I grew up went to college, the key was to answer this question with one word again – Medium, but this time do it with a style - like shake your hand and head with sync, pause a little and then say hhmm medium.

Looking at others around me at salon, who had to fight, nag and beg the barber to get it done, I always thought that I was born talented and I had something in me that makes it to so easy for me to get a haircut done.

Recently, to be exact, over the past two months I couldn’t find a salon near this new house and having never owned a comb in my entire life, my hair turned pretty bad. It gave me the stares at office and a visit from home planet made things even worse. I got strict orders to get the mess on my head cut before the weekend; it was always on weekends, my hair cut. Apparently, I was told as a child, that any other day of haircut would make the gods angry and you wouldn’t want to make them angry, well at least for silly things like a haircut.

Now that brings me back to the story of paying bills and having found a new place to get a haircut. Now if you are already bored reading, I would suggest you to stop because it is going to be long. I am about to enter the second page of a word doc and I have not done this stunt before.

So, out of desperation I walked into this not so decent looking salon and the barber inside directed me to my seat. He had a straight and serious look on his face, my barber, and with a moustache that reminded me a lot of the Nazi Soup guy in Seinfeld. He seemed as if he just had a fight with someone and I didn’t want to do anything that would add to his anger, so I silently walked to the seat, made myself comfortable and waited for the golden question to be asked. He gathered all the paraphernalia required placed them on a table in front and turned to me and asked “what do you want?”

It is a slightly different question but being the expert I am at this, I knew the answer was same and simple, I have seen many versions of this question in my vast experience and I know exactly what to do.

But inside my head something told me that I have to cheer this guy up, and so replied with a smile, left eye blink and a sarcastic tone – “Haircut”. He just let out a deep breathe and stood with his hands folded staring, as hard as he can, at me. Making people angry with my stupid jokes is not new to me, but I haven’t seen someone this angry and most importantly I realized that I have messed up with the system. I was so good at this because I had a process and I never deviated from it, until now!

I quickly replied short hoping this would put back things to normal. He followed up with a series of questions in his angry tone

How short? Pointing his scissors to the side of my head this short? till here?

I had no idea about exactly how short or long I want my hair to be, the barbers always seem to decide it for me and all of sudden I am being asked to make this decision myself, am I prepared for it?

This went on for some time, I kept pointing my finger at different areas on my hair and he would cut it short till there and then move to the next question. And every time I try getting a glance of my face on the mirror he would tap on the back of my head twice with his finger, a gesture meant for me to stop moving my head, which I realized only after a good number of strong taps. Finally we reached the end of the ritual where he would give the finishing touch with a shaving blade. Now, I am sensitive and ticklish at the back of my neck like most other macho men, so I tend to giggle like most other . . .
It is probably the only time I can afford to laugh with a blade put up next to my neck.

But I knew if I do that today, there is a high probability of me not walking out of this place. So as he started off with the blade I bit my lip hard to control from laughing, till finally it reached a point of beyond control where I burst into a huge guffaw. He stopped put the blade on the table and with a frustrated look nodded his head to show some kind of disagreement and said “It’s done”

I knew exactly what he meant it is the equivalent of “No more Haircut for you!!”

I got up and with out even thinking for a second started walking out of the place when he blocked my way and said angrily 30 bucks!!

I hit the back of my head for forgetting, took the wallet out only to realize what is inside. I slowly moved the 1000 rupee note out, pointing it towards him and said change ??

He just stood stand still with his hands folded and stared . . .

2010-02-14T22:25:00.004+05:30

I am always late in putting up stuff, this one is supposed to be out weeks back.

Salinger and his master piece were in the news after a long time and it made me thinking, again, of the kind of influence his book had on people and all that. I think there was this phase of my life, where I used to read anything that came under ‘The best novels of all time’ kinda section thinking it would be a cool show off in literature related conversations or something like that, I don’t exactly remember, I have a bad memory you know. So in this frantic effort to read these “cult books” I stumbled upon Catcher in the Rye. After reading the first page, for a moment I was shocked, can somebody write like that? Is this allowed? Do they accept such style as books?

I always used to think there is this secret community of old people wearing weird clothes deciding on which books to be put up on classics section and I just couldn’t fit the catcher in rye with the kind of image I had for this community. And if you ever happen to meet one of them, I imagined, they would go on about how a classic should be, stroking their long white beards, "oh the style, the punctuation, the long complicated sentences with deep meaning that would make you read them twice to really understand and think like a hundred times to get the intended meaning behind it.", and then, since it is a secret community and you just met one of them, they have to kill you, anyhow . .

I am not criticizing the classics or anything, oh I never would. But, Catcher in the Rye has changed my style of thinking, from ‘he is one of the finest authors . . .’ to ‘boy, does he write well’.

And when I read this book it kept reminding me of some one I knew, all the time. Till one day, boom, it struck me Holden Caulfield is a lot like calvin of calvin & hobbes. If Calvin ever had to grow up, which honestly I hope he wouldn’t, this would be exactly his autobiography, word to word I say. It made me thinking, Bill Watterson and J.D Salinger, both this reclusive types that were so particular about their creation that they protected the copyrights with great care, are similar in so many ways. A classic case of great minds think alike . . .

Letter from an almost extinct species

2010-01-28T23:24:00.007+05:30

I want to tell you guys my story, a pretty sad one, that would probably make you all think (real good) and feel guilty (real bad). I was once the most crowded species on earth with population in billions, belonging to a family of great men and women; I am your simple next door, always in your pocket or rather was in your pocket, normal key pad cell phone.

But then something strange happened, with the introduction of iPhones. I still remember that day like it was yesterday, I was sitting next to this huge coffee cup watching the news and this bald dude with glasses was displaying this new, apparently cloned, version of my species. I still remember it like it was yesterday, we were scared to death and the wise old men of our species began to predict the end of our race, ‘a massacre soon to begin’ they said in their shaky voice. You should have seen the coverage this event got in our 24x7 media, with texts like – ‘is it 2012 already?’ ‘What would the few left ones of our species do – comedy??’; And also, there was this viral message of a really funny joke about our species’ religious preacher going to a bar . ., which I don’t think I can discuss considering the serious tone I have determined to bring to this letter.

I am not righting this out of anger, I remind, but of concern, concern for all the species around me. The question to all you humans is – where? Where do you want to go with this entire touch thingy?

Touch phones, touch books, touch flush, touch buttons to your shirt!! Is there a stop to this? Do you really want your children to grow up in a world where the word button is unheard of, do you want them to grow with obese fingers that have not touched anything other than stupid touch screens. What do you think you’ll say to them when they come to you asking, “mama, what is this ‘press button’ grandpa keeps talking about in all his stories?” You think you can explain to them the action press without having a button around??

I hereby call all you people of earth to say no to a flat world, say no to obese fingers, say no to touch and yes to press.

Regards,

Just another ordinary Phone

P.S: sent from my normal phone using a key fuckin pad

My letter to Kids (of all sizes)

2009-08-27T03:18:00.011+05:30

Read on if you are an Infant

Kids - Finally, I’ve decided to be brave and tell you what I really wanted to, but never could. But before all that, I truly acknowledge the fact that you are innocent, cute and all that. But why, why in god’s name do you cry? See that kind of rhymes (why cry?), hope it keeps your ever changing attention span here for a bit long.

Now, I don’t mind if you cry or whine at a decibel level that matches your size and I clearly wouldn’t care if you cry anytime but for my sleeping time and I wouldn’t give a damn if you whine at anyplace but for the train I am traveling in. Please don’t whine in my train (trying my best to get it rhyming kiddy)

Nevertheless, I have to be a little fair to you and I would tell you why. Because I was a kid like you once, I sometimes recollect those wonderful times as young and stupid. And on this note I would give you some advice – Don’t Cry. Period.

Read below if you’re a kid under seven, little ones you can get back to sleep.

Kids – you guys are cute. I like watching you on Youtube, you know the ones where you weep while you’re brother toddler bites your finger. But please don’t call me Uncle, because we are not ready for that yet! And I probably wouldn’t mind if you just call me that and leave, but please don’t ask me to resolve your plastic ball plastic bat cricket issues. Again, I still wouldn’t have taken it to heart if all of this stopped there, because we all know that the ‘I am not ready while he was bowling’ is a bad excuse to get bowled, but for heaven’s sake why should I go talk to his parents and get you his bat, that he took along all pissed, so that you can continue playing?

Read here if you’re above seven, others play time’s over

Kids – I understand you’re all smart whiz kids. But there is a reason why these social networking websites wouldn’t let you register and login. It’s called free iPod, obviously it’s not but that did buy me some time to keep your attention from the other 10 tabs and 12 IM windows open right now. As always, I don’t have any kind of problem with you just registering on these websites, but why do you add me in your network just because you happened to be my neighbor or my second cousin or my second cousin’s neighbor. Now, I might sometimes end up accepting your invitation hoping it would stop you from pestering me, but why in this world would you send me your Twitter page link, do you really think I enjoy knowing that your math hme wrk scks! even if I was lucky enough to decode through your ttyls, rotflmao, ctc et cetera?

I call the Making of King Khan,...first!!

2009-08-23T23:03:00.003+05:30

I don't know how many of you have seen the Who Made Huckabee? stunt pulled off by the finest 3 talk show hosts ever. It was the best they could do without their wirters during the Writers guild strike last year.

Last week Jon on his Daily show did a piece on Shah Rukh Khan and his much hyped racial profiling case. I am not sure how famous Khan is in U.S, he might be pretty well known among NRIs especially those among them who like watching extremely mushy "love triangle" kind of movies.

But, Jon has given him something like a Colbert bump and Khan definitely got some promotion for his new movie. So before any one calls the making of King Khan, I call the making of Jon Stewart making of Khan before Jon himself calls it. Case Closed!!

2009-07-15T10:00:00.009+05:30

This is actually a short dream I had few days back (with little exaggerations). These stupid reality shows are getting on my nerves, I realize. I was the host, by the way

Host – Welcome to the mother of all reality shows!! So, you four have made it to the point where only four have made it to, each year in the last 10 seasons we had in the last 3 years on this particular broadcast network. And, I want to congratulate you all for that. You fought hard and definitely deserve to be here and I must warn you that only one of you (pauses to gasp a deep loud breathe)... Only one (with a special inflection on one) of you will get to the podium.
(Looks into the lens of camera) so are you nervous, let the show begin!!

We see four participants standing next to one another – two girls, one guy and a guy monkey (who is naked, by the way)

Host – so participants or from now onwards as my script demands me to call you finalists. Finalists! Do you think you can win this?
Participant 1 – I am a girl and I am good. So ya
Participant 2 – I am a guy and I am good too. So yes
Participant3- I am a girl too and I am good too. So why not?
Participant4 – Beats his chest with both hands frantically and shouts (or growls or whatever that monkeys seem to do now a days)
Host – So before we move to the next round, (moves his gaze from camera 1 to camera 2 while the respective cameramen follows his gaze and zooms in with an swoosh sound) you girl finalists must choose a guy partner and I want you to be referencing your co-finalists by what they are (guy monkey, guy guy); as calling some one a monkey even if it's a monkey can be racist and would boost our ratings.

The economy talk - Monologue

2009-06-11T20:35:00.023+05:30

Much has been talked about the economy of late. In fact, small talk and economy talk have become synonymous. I don’t think about the economy much, but there was a point of time when people kept telling it was overheated; to me it is just over stated. Here is a list of buzz words I kept hearing during these talks and how I comprehend them ..

Globalization – I hate globalization, not because it gave us economic downturn or the pandemic flu but it gave me the job I right now have.

Investment Banks – Well, to me they are like dinosaurs. They were huge and all that, but one fine day a big catastrophe struck and they are extinct now. My friend says it’s all a big con they are just lying low and would come back once the economy is in good shape. Seriously!! The dinosaurs are coming back??

Interest Rates – Lot of people kept telling me RBI is cutting rates and they are going to do it more et cetera. In fact, I heard FED has cut the rates so low that it’s almost free to borrow from them now. And I was thinking to myself, I should add them to 'my best friends' list.

Madoff – They told me he was this white-collar guy a big fraud, now in jail. I really don’t understand this kind of punishment where you bring a guy working in office and put him in jail; it’s like just giving him a bigger cubicle.

Recession- They said the experts were always talking about it and predicting how it would be, but no one was sure until it actually happened. I say, you don’t have to be an expert, in college every one used to talk a lot about it and predict how it would be . . . oh wait, that was not recession.

Wall Street – It seems there was this huge bloodbath on Wall Street and most people caught in it would like to get back to a time when there was no bloodbath – or even Wall Street.

My experiments with culinary delights - Part I

2009-01-22T14:45:00.011+05:30

We all, by now, would have stumbled upon the latest buzzword 'gastrosexual'. The word to me sounds more like some kind of infection and a word that would definitely make a prude's jaws drop. Anyhow, on the lines of hetro and metrosexual, this word was coined to recognize the class of males who like to cook. Men have always grown a certain penchant towards cooking and being one (I mean man!) I would like to believe that this has got something to do with the overuse of knife.

If you are just out of college and trying to be independent, self-cooking is an important part of the process or it can be that you are just too damn bored in life. It can also be a good method for cutting cost if you are good at it, or else, take it from me you will end paying for all the burnt marks on the wall. So, all the Investment bankers and Madoff investors and investment bankers invested in Madoff's; don't jump the gun at the word cost cutting and burn your fingers (this time literally!).

Now, my acquaintance with cooking can only be compared to Sarah Palin's familiarity with foreign affairs (not that I see Russia from my kitchen). But the eternal desperate search for killing the 24 hours a day god gave us, if you believe in one, being done by the media or rather all that is done by the media, made them stumble upon this new attempt to make cooking look cool. So, my affair with cookery started after watching one of those chef led shows which made the art of cooking look not just attractive but easy to learn. If I think of it now, that show was more like one of those stupid mountain dew action packed ads without the statutory warning 'Following stunt was performed by experts and should not be imitated without proper guidance'.

So, one fine week I’ve decided to make my debut and an hour before the show on TV, I ran to the nearest shop I can run to, and asked for onions, eggs and all the basic ingredients. The shopkeeper was awe struck when I calculated 20+12+3 faster than his jumbo sized fingers could type on the poor tiny calculator; with a sense of pride, we all usually obtain after outpacing the mathematically challenged shopwalas, I made my way back on time.

I was all prepared and the movie preceding the cook show was nearing its dramatic end, it was one of those mushy poor guy rich girl love types and where the bald daddy writes a blank check asking the, insanely indigent yet heavily built, protagonist to walk out of his, extremely hot and so dumb, daughter’s life. And to everyone’s utter surprise, like defying the laws of gravity, the poor dude always rejects the one bail out that could get him out of all possible troubles (like dowry, heart operation and now a day’s tampered balance sheets).Anyhow, getting back to the show and cooking, which we seem to have digressed from,

…. Hopefully will be continued. .

colbertica

2008-11-15T16:03:00.008+05:30

Tonight!!! .. India leaves its footprints on Moon;
Oh boy! Didn’t we get a better place to forget things.
Hi, I am your host and I was born on April 1st the day everyone gets fooled. Twenty two years back, the same day, my dad got a fool.
My name is Satya Uday Kiran V; they say every bullet has a name written on it, I guess mine has to be pretty long.
Welcome to the show!!! ..

little updates

2008-10-13T19:17:00.008+05:30

"So, what's the difference??" - tutor guy
"What are your dreams? and what are goals? "
"Is marriage a dream?" as he heard some one from behind say marriage and giggle.
"No, it's a nightmare! "came a quick reply from the crowd that I was a part of. The whole class burst into laughter waking me up from a nice comfy nap. Don't we all love those naps in the last row of an extremely boring lecture by an equally dull dullard.

Not a pleasant feeling to listen to one of those boring business communication lectures, especially the day after a late night show of an incredibly mushy movie which has three good looking damsels to keep one awake. (Extreme pervs often see pun here)
The tutor kept going "okay you at the back, what is the difference?" , pointing towards me.

Now, I was in total consensus with Seinfeld when he said ‘All these super heroes e.t.c are not fantasies for we men, they are options’ or something like that. I always think of myself as a superhero with special powers, my ability is invisibility and not the crappy hollowman kind. It has never happened in my entire life that a professor pointed to me and said ‘hey you! Yes you, tell me the answer for this’, trust me. Again total consensus with Spiderman’s uncle when he said 'with great power comes great responsibility’ or something like that , it has not even once happened in my entire life that I raised my hand in the middle of a class asking for a doubt or something, not even once.
Getting back to the tutor and the lecture, I was more than shocked when he kept pointing to me shouting ‘You! You! You!, what is the difference, give me your opinion’. I felt the same way Peter Benjamin Parker felt in one of those sequels when he lost his powers; he at least got to wear that stupid outfit. Anyhow, it is very difficult to not get noticed when you are in a classroom in the northern part of India where everyone else other than you is dressed up like Salman Khan’s look alike and you are left looking like a big fan of Rajnikant. (no offence to any one, please don't burn my house)
The tutor kept going ‘do you have a dream?’ I nodded back, the kind of nod that wouldn’t reveal a strict yes or no leaving room for ambiguity. But the tutor dude kept repeating the same question obviously looking for a more prolix reply.
Now, I hope every one of you would have seen that typical Bollywood scene where the poor protagonist was so smitten that he starts seeing ‘the damsel’ in every one including his grand pa. Finally, this utterly gross and idiotic scene started making sense to me when I started seeing not just one but all the three damsels from the previous night’s show instead of my tutor asking my ‘Do you? Do you? ‘.
For a moment I felt like going down on my knees and shout: yes I do! Luckily I didn’t, that would have been more embarrassing than what happened last week when I asked the bartender for Jack Daniels on rocks and he bent forward with a frown and whispered 'Are you sure?'

India unplugged ??

2008-10-13T12:01:00.004+05:30

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/13/world/asia/13india.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp

Article in NYtimes which sums up our politcal & economic state.

vetti times

2008-07-22T17:32:00.007+05:30

Two months have passed by and boy it seems like I was caught in a time wrap and got catapulted to an obsolete world. People are talking about new movies kicking out the all time classics from imdb’s top 250 list and here I am trying to get tickets for the only movie that’s running in the only theatre of my village. Never thought a four year old regional movie of a 50 year old protagonist dancing with eighteen year old scantily clad damsels can attract people to theatres even after 4 years (Phew).

A little hope to update myself came from the 24/7 relentless news scrolling from the news channels. And of course the UPA NDA and other acronyms that want to rule my country made it a point not let these people rest

Anyhow the last two months of semi rural life has taught me few things

Those fantasies about village fights you know like the one in sholay, not true.

There is no concept called responding to blowing horn on roads here, best way to get a bovine off road, get down take a stick beat it. Best way to get a person off the road, do the same

When you are in a train get used to the constant squabbles happening around, as a matter of fact they are just friends talking.

When pharmacists tell you to take the blue pill in the morning white pill after lunch and red big one after dinner, he is no way assuming that you are an illiterate he just doesn’t know the name of the pills.

Finally when you tell your post man you can sign, it is for some reason assumed that you are doing so because you cannot fingerprint.

Just some thought

2008-06-16T14:14:00.007+05:30

He was getting bored; need to find ways to kill time he thought to himself. Life to him is pretty much restricted to the living room and the bedroom, pretty much restricted to the idiot box and the fathomless World Wide Web. He has reached new lows in life because of boredom; he has seen dubbed Hindi versions of some south Indian movies on TV and now knows exactly why he has not even heard of these things before. He started counting the number of jokes Cryus and his team “the week that wasn’t” (of CNN IBN) was copying from Late show by Letterman and The daily show.

I should be doing something different, something risky, and something people have warned me against He thought to himself

He got up and walked outside the house, took the lift to the parking lot and looked at the mirror inside the elevator to find a rather disheveled appearance. He didn’t go out of his room for a quite a while now and didn’t even bother to look at himself in a mirror, the last time he looked at his face was the profile picture on Facebook some time back
For a second he couldn’t recognize the figure he was looking at in the mirror. Wow, that’s some weight I gained there he said to himself with a grin. Slowly a strange idea struck to his brain, what would happen to this world if the concept mirror was never invented, never existed. How much time would one end up not wasting looking at oneself in the mirror; be at a mall, theatres, elevators, there are mirrors at every part and every stage of the life. People will have to use a camera to look at themselves. His train of useless quixotic thought was interrupted by a kid, who entered the lift in the floor down. The kid had a cricket bat in his hand and made a nonchalant gesture by raising the bat and said

“Hi uncle, we have a 20-20 match at the parking lot today want to come and watch us play?”

He replied in the affirmative but was surprised at the new appellation kids are giving him now a days Uncle? I really need to shave, che there was a time when these kids used to invite me to play he thought.

A few minutes later he was downstairs watching little kids scamper around in a small open space, towards his right he could hear the sound of cars backing in the parking lot. He noticed something strange most of them had patriotic songs like the national song or some other famous ones as their tunes for the reverse gear. Why do so many people prefer these songs? National chauvinism or is it that it catches the attention of everyone minimizing accidents. Some jobless moron somewhere out of tedium would have conducted some bizarre experiment to prove this, need to Google

His useless thought train was once again stopped by the same kid; the kid is now chasing the umpire kid with a bat and there is chaos around the kids about a run out decision the umpire kid gave. Slowly the chaos lead to an abrupt stop of the match and the kid ended up hurting the umpire real bad.

He got up from there walked back to the elevator. There are two 40 yr olds already there waiting. They kept pushing the button in turns till the elevator came down. Why do people do that, almost 90 percent of the people keep pushing the lift button continuously in expectation of it to come down fast. Does it really work that way? No. Do they do that because they have nothing else to do standing there waiting? He was again interrupted by the kid who came running inside the elevator after being chased by the opposite team kids for quite sometime.

“Brats! I will complain to my mom” he screamed at them

Then looked up at the grownups in the elevator and said “It was notout you know, I dived into the crease well in time”

After the small trip outside he walked back to his room not knowing when he will again have the patience and enthusiasm to step out. He switched on the TV and one of the channels said Coming up Next Ramgopal varma ki AAG. Well there is something different, something risky, and something people have warned me against He smiled to himself.

World Environment Day

2008-06-05T23:30:00.004+05:30

Well it's that time of the year again people when newspapers, media and everyone talks about going green and polar ice caps melting. The time of the year for optimists to dream about a clean and green planet and the pessimists to make their own version of Noah of Arks in expectations of the great flood to arrive

For me it’s just another reason to update my blog. And if you get a chance please watch this show called Planet Mechanics on National Geographic. Brilliant show and a must watch for all the renewable energy buffs.

The things they do

2008-06-04T23:34:00.003+05:30

Finally the government said it couldn’t take any more. The prices of petrol, diesel and LPG have been hiked to an extent. Good news for the oil companies and the government was careful enough not to hike kerosene prices sparing the poor.
The opposition as the name suggests managed to show its protest as it always does by burning couple of government assets and effigies (using petrol of course)
And then they went ahead and did what probably the dumbest brain cell in their already rusted brain can ever come up with, Demanding the leaders of ruling party at the office to resign. I mean WOW!!
How many times have I not heard these demands for resignation?
What do they expect, the prime minister and the chief minister to come out and say I think my opposition who have been bantering me right from day one wants me to resign, I will probably listen to them this one time
Really?

I criticize ... because I can

2008-05-30T00:32:00.007+05:30

I criticize

The media which is now a days covering IPL as if the cricketers are a big distraction from the cheerleaders

The news websites which ask me to rate each and every freaking article on their web page. I am not lying, few days back there was this site which had asked me to rate an article titled 10,000 people dead due to an earth quake.

I don’t know whether many of you have heard of the original version of SRK’ new show
Are you smarter than a fifth grade?
MTV is now starting a new reality show I believe for all the dumb participants who have miserably failed in the above one, its called I want to be Paris’ (Hilton) new best friend

Of course you cannot take credit of media and news papers on their articles which educate people. Their extensive coverage and in depth research has made each every state, sect and religion of India know about the truth behind Kareena’s size zero.

And amid all the boredom, recently I have developed a special interest towards cricket. Now that players’ slapping each other is allowed, it has become my favorite sport after wrestling.

Oil and the Indian govt.

2008-05-30T00:22:00.003+05:30

Politics is all about maximizing vote banks and no one knows this better than Indian political doyens. Most of us already know for a fact that current market prices of oil products like petrol, diesel, cooking gas and kerosene are heavily subsidized. The actual break even cost at which the oil companies should be selling petrol is 61.86Rs, but the current market price is 45.52Rs after a total subsidy of 16.34Rs. Of the market price basic cost of petrol per liter is 21.93Rs and duties and taxes add up to it bringing it to the current market price of 45.52. The Indian oil companies are taking the blow as they are forced to sell their products at a subsidized rates and taxed heavily at the same time. The government affords these subsidies by issuing oil bonds, to which it just have to the pay the interest now. Of course it’s the tax bearers who will ultimately pay this in future, but not now, not before elections at least.

Ideally what a government like India which is highly dependent on the taxes on oil for its revenues should do is to raise the oil prices, which not only helps the oil companies who are right now suffering huge losses, but also give the consumer an idea of the crisis. With subsidized prices that are out there right now I don’t think any one feels the need to be more petrol conservative. This in fact exaggerates the supply constrained oil crisis we have now.

But an increase in petrol prices would hurt the vote bank and the government is willing to do anything it can to just postpone this until the elections get over, they know the opposition is going to exploit this to the full extent and they sure will. The other option it has is to cut the taxes and duties on oil. But in the recent budget the financial minister has gone for voter friendly policies like tax cuts and loan waivers which have put more pressure on the fiscal deficit. Cutting down on the oil tax revenues would further increase this deficit. This deficit increase would only add fuel to the already high inflation rates which again is not a good thing to have before elections. What ever the government does, this is probably the biggest challenge in front of them right now and the timing couldn’t have been worst.

18th May 2008

2008-05-18T00:07:00.005+05:30

Time line :
12:30 - 2:00 am - Coffee @ Tiffanys - Wiper and Vendy-kind of daily ritual now
2:30 - 4:00 am - Bio Tech building - top of water tank - music from CB's lap top
4:00 - 4:20 am - Cycle race - Hi look - Bread Omelet
4:30 - 5:10 am - To besi beach
5:10 - 6:45 am - Besi beach sunrise - drenched
8:00 am - Back to insti - Breakfast @ Tiffanys

Me as a Kiddo

2008-04-15T23:50:00.005+05:30

I don’t remember much about the first words I spoke or the first time I crawled or walked. Whatever I know about my early childhood was told to me as anecdotes by my parents, grandparents, uncles, e.g. even my date of birth. I believe I’ve come to know of it by heart only when my parents prepared me for that first interview at the pre-school. What is your name? Followed by when were you born? That was all a kid had to know to get him an admission then. Without wanting to sound like a 70 yr. old, I have to say, these days one won’t be surprised if kids were asked to explain the Newton’s laws of motion.

As I said before I don’t remember much about my life as a toddler. I was told I used to be one of those dull kids who would just stare out of the window during lunch breaks. I don’t remember being a dull kid probably because I never enjoyed it. I was not bright either; I still remember the discontent nod on my second grade teacher every time she looked at my grade card. Not to mention, the one hour long lectures by my grand ma on how I would never get a girl with grades like that. Well, she was definitely wrong; I did get good grades later in life and that’s all I got.

As I said I don’t remember much about my childhood. I cannot recollect the first movie I had been to. But they were all so damn confusing, I guess they still are. I really don’t get why most movies introduce their protagonist as if it were a big surprise for the people watching. First they start with legs then slowly move to his face as the music builds into a more dramatic high pitched unbearable what not. I mean, what do they want to tell people – Surprise!! It’s Rajni not Al Pacino, all those stupid newspapers have been lying to you.

As I said I don’t remember me as a kid. I don’t remember my first crush, I really don’t. But I remember how I thought for the first time that she is the one I am supposed to save from all the bad guys. I used imagine myself as superman and she as Lois Lane, Spider man and Jane Watson, Shakti Man and the stupid little reporter lady. Little did I know there are ten other Shakti Mans in my class going after the same stupid little reporter. Slowly, the one for me converted to too many, as I grew up almost every good looking one. Well, this is when I learnt that men tend to react to woman.

As I said I don’t remember being a kid. But I have met one too many adults in my term as a kid. It still haunts me in the form of people tousling my hair and pulling cheeks in every family get together. They all seem to unanimously agree to the fact that I was a much better, cuter and innocent person then. It is never fun when the elderly come asking me to recollect their names – you don’t remember me? You used play on my lap all day long. What do they expect from me? Yes, all I remember about my childhood was playing on my uncle’s third cousin’s dad’s lap all day long. Thank you for that.

As I said I really don’t remember much about my life as a kid. But, I remember enjoying every moment of it. Be it, whining like a moron for some stupid toy car, fist fights in class for bland candies or those cricket matches with wickets drawn on the side walls, how I used to dream the whole day about nothing, how ego was not even a word in my diction, how it was so easy to befriend people around and forget about them in no time.

2008 hhm well, come

2008-01-02T03:02:00.001+05:30

The thick arena of clouds have covered the entire sky hiding the sun, the hot noon temperature was cooled by the breeze off the ocean. The kids at the playground are in a hurry. They don't want the rain to wash off their chances of winning. The old couple near the shopping mall is staring at the sky, trying to use all their experience and a bit of physics to see whether they can reach home without getting drenched. The road side vendor, who sells some of the best cashmere in the city, is winding up his small shop not very happy with rain eating into his time and money. Sitting on the terrace watching the vast area of sea just a few yards in front of me, awed by the beautiful line of shadow made by the clouds on the sea surface I started asking myself what the heck am I doing here?.

I got woken up by a bang on my door, it’s a football it is 4 O` clock in the evening and its December 31^st. I can hear some of my wing mates talking outside, I got out of my bed stepped out to find Rik, Paaps and Mech discussing about some trip to pondicherry. They don’t look very happy; they want to start the New Year doing something wild, a big year ahead for most of us.

In an attempt to cheer them up I walked to them and said

Don’t worry guys it will be a great year, Jupiter will enter Capricorn this year, This will restore harmony between Jupiter and Saturn, the two major economic planets. I was reading about this in the ET

They stopped talking and gave me an annoyed look, I know that look and I get that a lot, it is the You are lucky we have a broken collar bone and a fractured hand among the three of us otherwise we would beat the crap out of you … kind of look

And then a couple of others joined us, we started talking about the possibility of a trip to pondicherry and then went on debating about why should one get sloshed on a new year eve, what’s the fun in that?

Ya lets all go to a temple and pray for world peace said Mech all irritated

And then finally after discussing and debating for a long time on various things including what exactly do they write in a playboy, does any one actually read the articles in them?

We decided to head for the nearest beach.

Have you ever been to a lake after a rain, when the frogs go crazy making noises to attract their female counterparts? Well, the beach was almost like that with the frogs so drunk that they really cannot differentiate between the counterpart’s parts and counter counterparts. So we decided to kick off from that place at around 11:30 hoping to reach hostel before the clocks ticks 12:00.

It’s almost New Year and we are like 10 guys looking for an auto in Chennai traffic. I don’t know about others but I would rather prefer looking for a needle in haystack where I can always use a giant magnet. After a 10 minute search we got lucky and found a big auto that can ideally take 5 guys .

So there we are at 11:59 stuck in Chennai traffic packed in an auto like a double layered cheese sandwich scything through the euphoric crowd. The traffic slowly cleared and we started speeding up, Spanky reached out for his mobile and started giving us the countdown 10 .. 9 …8 . . without much thinking rest of us joined him 5 … 4 … 3 …2. Amid all the chaos going on in and out his auto the auto guy got all excited and raised the speed to full throttle not noticing the speed bump ahead and we all including the auto guy went …1 …OUCH …except for spanky who started the countdown went …1…WHAT THE %# ?

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008

2007-12-05T18:34:00.000+05:30

I feel like a grown up now.
I feel I am much tougher a guy now.

Now that I have learned to cry without tears
Now that I lost the ability to laugh at myself

ramblings raised to the power n

2007-09-16T18:29:00.000+05:30

In the process of cleaning, rearranging and organizing all the files in my laptop , I have stumbled upon this document. I don't remember when I wrote this, probably a while ago as a saarang entry or something. In my desperation to update the blog I am posting this one, but never in my sound mind would suggest anyone to read it completely.
There are some rules which I don't actually remember, some of the quotes including the first one are taken from this beautiful book called 'shantaram' written by Greg Roberts

Life is all about making choices. Choosing what is right, and what is right for you.

Scene 1: Explanad Fortunata is sleeping in his bedroom.

His new shocking alarm clock was ringing. The new alarm clock with anti-snooze technology was gifted to him by his wife, anti-snooze the technology of future, the technology for the lazy, the technology that would make the job of an incubus easy. Do you have trouble waking up in the morning? Would an extra jolt do the trick? Said their ad. She also gifted him with a book which is right next to the clock. The Lazy Person's Guide to Success: How to Get What You Want Without Killing Yourself for It.

Explanada: Ah! Damn I am still alive. Kill me, kill me softly. You damn (raises his hand to touch the snooze button of the clock; zzzkk .. it gave him a jolt it promised, the Hippocratic oath every Anti-Snooze Clock(ASC) makes, ‘always give the freaking shock’.)

Explanada: (jumps two inch above bed the with pain) damn you

ASC: poor guy; when are you going to learn the rules of game. Hit the top button not the side one, not the side snooze one. Or just let it go.

Explanada was now shocked, this time not literally, he pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. His clock is talking; talking to him.

Explanada: what the hell is going here?

ASC: let me explain you master; I am frustrated with you hitting the wrong button everyday, I am repulsed and horrified by your antics, I am shocked by your lousy and lazy behavior, in fact I am doing you a favor today by talking. This is what I am gonna tell you, follow what I say and you will be happy. You better be and in fact you have to be more nice to me……

(Zzkkkkk…Explanada with out much of thinking takes the clock up and slams it down the floor….){Breaking Rule 1; let things say want they want to; let it happen; let it go}

SCENE 2: Explanada enters his office

Just enters his cabin sits before his Personal computer (PC)

PC: boss, it’s time you do some work instead of ogling at all the pretty things moving around the office. Lots of deadlines have come and gone while you’re bumming around doing nothing.

Explanada: oh! Gimme a break. What’s happening today? Why am I hearing voices? And oh ya, if it’s really you speaking, you who were born out of Steve Jobs joblessness; what do you know about me. And oh ya, I will look at all pretty faces in the world, you are just a silly desktop what do you know about them?. Haven’t you heard of something like ‘pretty faces are better than phds?’

PC: whatever but remember girls don’t like flowers, they like gizmos. And by the by I have a mail for you, meeting now. You are supposed to listen to a group of sub- ordinates on how the new hospital, our group has started should go about their ad campaign

Explanada: Ya will do it. Who cares?

PC: no do it. Do it now {Rule 2}….(Explanada pulls the power plug out and the UPS makes a couple of beep sounds and goes dead)

SCENE 3: In the meeting, with his team

Explanada: what we have here is a cardiac specialized hospital. So we need something that conveys a ‘safe hands’ kind of message.

Team member 1: After giving it a long thought I think this is will be a good option

(Displays a board saying ‘we change sick little hearts into healthy sweet hearts’)

Explanada: that’s the worst thing I have ever seen. Sick little hearts??. What the hell is that; why not use disgusting deceased heart instead of sick heart.

Team member 2: how about this “breaking through your hearts and life with break through technology”

Explanada: you know there is a subtle difference between terrific and terrible?

Team member 2: hhmm..Ya

Explanada: no it’s not. It is not subtle you meat head. It’s not at all subtle. There is big gap; a big void and you are deep in it, never going reach the terrific end.

And please come up with some thing better than this. Don’t show me lines like ‘safe as hell’.

After the meeting Explanada gets a call from his boss

Boss: so how is it coming?

Explanada: sir!! There is only one possibility, either we start off with simple lines or we..{ no calculation – be straight; Rule 9 }

Boss: wait!! You said there is only one possibility

Explanada: yes sir, but..

Boss: look, you always try telling stories which no body wants to hear; you either come up with something good or just agree you are not capable of it.

And the phone gets cut. The next moment the phone, a Nokia 6300, starts off

Phone: hum pretty rude ha

Explanada: ha there you go, I was just wondering how come things stopped speaking to me all of a sudden.

Phone: ya you are right. What are you, a thing that lives & breathes? I have seen you inside out and upside down of you. Listen to me, be nice to people. {Rule 3}

Explanada: be glad that you’re not a living thing these times. Otherwise you would have to go through all the tough times…

Phone: be glad you’re not a plastic thing these times. Other wise you will have to bear all the stupid stuff these living & breathing things do with you.

Explanada started hearing voices everywhere, his car telling him to go places other than office and home; suggesting him to spend some time with family & friends, shouting at him and begging him to do something fun, something different, something that gets him out of this lousy world. {Rule 5}

But Explanada never really bothered to listen to all these things, things of no life.

5 o’ clock in the evening, he has not done even a single positive work that day. His team is lacking energy; he knows he is the leader, the one who is supposed to bring out the hidden enthusiastic flame in them. But his brain is not working today; not just today it stopped long back, Years back..

“No use regretting now” said his pen, the cello techno tip black.

Explanada still showed an indifference to all the speaking lifeless things around him. His brain has gone blank; all he could see and think of is a black region moving closer and closer spreading all through his body like a virus. He has gone numb.

The next thing he sees after retaining senses was he was sitting in a restaurant with Geekita; geekita his sub-ordinate, his affair. He never understood why he always back stabs people, sometimes his wife. Never understood why he is after geekita, the whore of the office. But he has no energy to think about all these. {Rule 10}

Geekita: Let me tell what’s what and what?

Explanada: What?

Geekita: nothing just trying to cheer you up.

The next thing Explanada notices was his wife Theonadara entering the same place.

He know it is not his day; he knows there is no way he can escape

Explanada: The prestige!! The prestige…

He started shouting like a mad guy hoping a miracle to happen; the prestige he shouted hoping some one to disappear, geekita, his wife, himself or any one. The prestige he shouted falling on his knees … the prestige

His phone, PC, Clock, Pen all the non-breathing things around him starts laughing at his stupidity, talking to him in chorus, asking him to do what ought to be done, be happy, enjoy the process, enjoy it. {Rule 4; Rule 8} They all reiterated what Greg Roberts said in his book Shantaram “If fate doesn’t make you laugh then you just don’t get the joke”

8RF

2007-08-12T16:58:00.002+05:30

Now that I’ve been tagged re-tagged and tagged again I guess it is high time I should respond to the onus my fellow bloggers paaps and loda have put on me.

The rules are as follows:
1. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

Starting with, I am a big big fan of Greg Roberts and his book Shantaram, Jerry Seinfeld and his TV show, Watterson and his awesome creation Calvin & Hobbes.
I think before I speak that is mostly why you would find me sitting dumb in most of the conversations. This happens largely when I am with my mom’s cousin’s uncle’s sons/ daughters/brothers/sisters/wives. I don’t know any of them but most of them think they know me very well because they helped me take a bubble bath when I was 3 months old. I hate it how almost all of them think that I used to be cute.
I don’t like people who go groveling around worshipping the moment they see a long beard hoary dude talking about karma and religion. Once I almost got kicked out of a religious guru’s lecture because I refused to prostrate on his feet like everyone else.
I went to that lecture because it was publicized that he is going to float in air (which he didn’t) and talk (which he did, for hours). That’s brings us to the next one, I love magic. As a kid I used to watch every freaking magic show in my city.
I have got this perennial cold which never seems to go off. And this some times makes me sneeze on and on for hours more often when I am in a class. My teachers used to hate me for this.
I have probably like a dozen names people call me with. To name some satya, uday, kiran, kittu, bale,VSUK…
I was born on 31^st march 1986, a week or two earlier than I was supposed to. My dad who was in Calcutta then received a telegram which he neglected for an hour thinking it was a 1^st April prank.
I used to be superstitious and silly. Like I wore the same shirt for all my 10^th board exams. Now I’ve grown out of it.

since most people I know have already been tagged I am left with not many options but one. So I tag Jimmy dude

A Piece of Faction

2007-07-15T20:07:00.001+05:30

After traveling through almost all possible means of transport maintained by the government of India I finally reached my destiny. But it wasn’t an easy journey (Ahem! I just like using this phrase ‘not an easy journey’). At 5.00 clock in the morning (wait can one still call it a day if it is dark around, because it’s not so in my village) I was scampering around the bus station at Secunderabad searching for a bus that would take me to my destiny. It took nearly half an hour to find it, and when I found it I felt like I was looking at one of those things our dear pyromaniac Sena activists just used to protest against a certain Shetty kissing a certain Gere (wait again, isn’t it the other way) on stage.

And now not always in a bus travel you get to sit next to a guy who keeps munching pan and goes right above you to reach the window every time he has to gob, making a gross noise that makes you want to take all your innards out and burn them in an electric arc furnace. Few minutes latter scanning through a newspaper he turned to me and started
Spitter: tho aap ko kya lagtha he saab, Indian team ki coach kaun banega?
(Now, one has to understand I am not very eloquent speaking kind when it comes to hyderabadi hindi)
Me: patha nahi bhai, me cricket follow nahi karta (desperately trying to match his accent)
And then as if he was just waiting for that reply he shot back with a suspicious look
Spitter: ha.. tho aap kaheko ho? ..Telangana me kaisa aana huva
Me: Telangan?? Ye sab tho Andhra he na bhai..telangana nahi ayaga na?
Within seconds people all around are staring at me with bloodshot eyes, now all I wanted to do was to dive and grab those words in the air try wadding them back into mouth, but it’s too late. Even though none of them said anything I know they just declared me persona non grata and all I can hope for is to not getting chucked out of the bus.
Spitter: hojayagi saab bahuti jaldi…Taj Mahal seven wonders me ek banana se pehle
Me: aab vho bhi doubtful he bhai..
(Immediately half the population out there at once starting texting, guess they are voting for Taj, I just triggered one of those ‘vote for taj’ campaign here)
One hour through, the bus stopped at a near by station. The fellow next got up and gestured vaguely with eyes pointing towards his place. ‘Gotcha! No one is going to steal your place’ Go ahead I gestured back
Even though I desperately want to get rid of him, I had no intentions of doing it until I was made the incontrovertible offer by a damsel in levi strauss and puma shirt. Miracles do happen; I mean who the hell would expect someone like that to turn up in a bus like this; it was like a spacesuit entering a pool copiously filled with swimsuits. (hhmm..again vice versa would have been better)
She stopped in the aisle near me and made a similar gesture and within a split of second my reply was ‘of course it’s free”.

A good friend of mine once told me ‘how to play it cool’ (or so he calls it) and here is what he said
Always start with something witty and then go on to current affairs, never talk about weather, that’s dumb.
So there I was trying my best.
Me: not a great thing to travel in.. these buses ha?
She: ya ya…I miss my car.
Me: me too
She: why.. what happened?
Me: A small accident, hit the rear end of a bus, nothing serious though.
She: hhmm..let me guess ..talking on phone.
Me: no no. Went close to see what’s written on the bus.
She: and what was it
Me: STAY AWAY AIR BRAKES

A quick scan through the bus I could see the spitter staring right at me from a place just behind. I know he’s not very happy and I am sure he’s eavesdropping. And now knowing that I am under constant vigil started freaking me out. It was like the spitter now has control over my brain. The next thing that came to mind…
Me: who should be the next coach of Indian team?
(Turning the newspaper left by the spitter)
She: hhm..not much a cricket fan
Me: oh! Good…. Hey did you vote for taj?
I know I am speaking too fast now, (damn that spitter).
She: of course I did. I don’t think any educated Indian would have missed it.
Me: ya true true (play it cool, play it cool..i know it’s time for the big one)
Me: so how do you think the market will react to the Q1 results of Infosys? (I have no idea what that means. But it’s the back up plan. The market, it always works)
Little surprised by the way I was gabbling she replied
She: ya with all the rupee appreciation. Don’t think it will do any good… (now, this is the frankenstein I created. Before the dialogue turns to a monologue I have to do something)

Now, What I did next I wouldn’t really suggest anyone to try especially anywhere near Telangana. The results would be appalling
Me: so what’s your stand on the telangana issue? A futile attempt by the people here ha?
(I really don’t remember what happened after that, I think I heard some protests all around and I remember being thrown out of the bus within seconds)

globe gettin warm..environmental da and all :P

2007-06-29T12:38:00.002+05:30

ye“Descended from the apes! My dear let us hope it is not true, but if it is let us pray that it will not become generally known.”

Was the reaction of famous Bishop’s wife after Darwin’s theory was explained to her. Few things can never be explained to people the way we want to. How can I put in plain words to my 3 yr. old cousin to leave off his habit of not going to sleep unless until the beautiful incandescent bulb in his room is switched on. Should I try telling him that it contributes to the green house warming, he would simply boohoo and pull my hair as hard as he can. How can I try convincing my college going brother not to use his deodorant that much because it has CFCs in it. He would fire back at me with questions like how ozone which is considered a pollutant at ground level has become beneficial at stratosphere or would simply strike it off with his knack of sarcasm by passing comments like humans tend to perspire more often in Asia and much more in Chennai. How can anyone possibly explain the Indian government at a G8 summit to cut down on their release of carbon gas content. They would protest blatantly saying they have the world’s largest population and second fastest growing economy. The levels ought to be bit more compared to others. And forget about doing this to developed or the so called super power nations they would come up with theories giving examples from past of how earth. Some twelve thousand years ago began to warm, and quite rapidly, but then abruptly plunged back into bitter cold for a thousand years or so

We live in a world where you find fiction novels and movies on how global warming is all a farce and how it is being politically misused. How can anyone even think of taking an initiative against global warming where informative and educative media screens shows of false conspiracy theories because they get maximum viewer ship. Where the youth think of people speaking of CFCs as geeks and would rather spend their time partying away to glory at the nearest pub.

In a world where a product dear to you and which is ubiquitous might tomorrow be proved contributing to the environmental pollution it is really difficult to take any prevention measures. Every educated person should first himself learn more about our dear earth and the risk it is standing at right now. Educate others about this, at least share the knowledge you have with your colleagues, people in your next cubicle, have a more formal debate about topics like this, share your opinions.

I would like to say my contribution to this big never ending fight has been prominent. But, I will be lying if I do that. One thing I can avow is I never knowingly did use anything that is considered a potential threat to the environment nor did I let anyone I know do it before me. I protest not because I like to protest but because I think it is high time educated like us should start behaving in a responsible way. It’s time for a pay back.

creativity of the unexpected....

2007-04-14T13:19:00.000+05:30

Some of the most creative pieces can sometimes be the most deserted, they go totally unnoticed. I realized this after a recent debate with my uncle on how true the weekly horoscopes given in magazines are. I have no idea of what he said but what he said was like rap to my ears and quantum mechanics for my brain.

Your Sun sign may be in Capricorn, but your Venus may be in Aquarius, your Mars may be in Scorpio Aries in Cancer, and so on. The planetary patterns are constantly changing and the probability of things happening and not happening will vary depending on the planetary patterns which are again constantly varying.

True, even though most of us don’t really believe in these predictions most of us do read the horoscope section of the newspaper, we do ask for other people’s sun signs, we do tend to like or dislike people because they are of a particular sun sign and no small talk goes without the mention of zodiac signs.

Every time we look at our horoscope we can always relate ourselves with at least one or two lines in it. Imagine the probability of this considering the fact that it is just a four line prediction and is meant for a big part of the world population which includes people of different ages, different professions and different cultures. It requires a lot more skills than talking to planets or necromancy. Your tarot truths also have to be interesting to read, it can’t be stupid and hackneyed like bollywood movies where the bad guy is always found in a bar and drivers never look at the road.

So a 101 course on writing horoscopes would be

Always use sentences which look like they have a very deep message hidden in it. But make sure that you are not conveying any message; it should just look like one.

Don’t ever even by mistake write something which makes sense.

Use sentences like

People around you may be different from what they seem.

Life will return only what we put in.

The ups and down of circumstances may give you a merry ride.

Use different versions of Murphy’s laws. They can be of great help. Also try confusing the reader a bit

Use sentences like

Your instincts of survival can kill you.

Be patient, but be quick.

Never look at the finger that points the sky. Look at the sky.

Use as many oxymorons as you can.

So a simple example would be

Being mentally agile is really important this week. You might face situations which will make you feel like an atheist in face to face with god. You will have to make choices- in particular, choosing what is right, and what feels right for you. If you are single this is the right time to start a relation but wait for the right person. Overall this week you will have mix of fortunes, mix of emotions, you will go thru pain, anxiety and happiness though not all at the same time.

Most of us place our trust in intuition and that’s the base of any horoscope. The guys who write them are shrewd, they don’t make predictions, no body can but they write predictions; predictions which look like a stunning giant structure, giant structure built on just two foot thick concrete slab base.

The next place where you find creativity flowing like faucet is Classifields. Go on a 30 hour train journey with just Hindu Classifields to read, you will know why. People sell anything on here from used paint to empty coffins, anything from used toilet paper to their finger nails.

And probably the most attractive and catchy Ad campaigns. Like..

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

And, finally my favorite the matrimonial section.

Wanted a bride for an attractive young yuppie; the bride can expect colorful life, frequent foreign trips and lots of goodies.

How blatant can it get…. The ideal matrimonial ad for a X- man looking for a X-woman

Wanted bride for a young Homo sapiens superior. Bride if comes in contact with a human should be able to absorb all his powers, or should be able to shapeshift into any human, as well as imitate their voice accurately. All in all should have the ability to take others life. Can expect the same from the bride groom.

series of not so fortunate events(part 1)

2006-12-09T19:48:00.000+05:30

It was 6.30 in the morning, somewhere from the other end of the room Naren could hear a faint sound of alarm ringing. He woke up but kept his eyes shut and let the school of thought flow for sometime. His body has gone numb, he tried moving his hands-hardly could he feel them. He knows he hasn’t slept enough, 3 hours in the past two days, but he does know that the amount of effort he has put in is not really sufficient. He knows he has got just two more hours for the exam, the behemoth, the lord of darkness. It is the last day of something, something that has been perturbing for the past few weeks or it could be the first day of something else, something bad something ugly, something that has never happened before, the worst of his worst nightmares. He tried diverting the thought train. ‘Dreams, dreams’ he thought. He could recollect the strange dream of a big double layered sandwich trying to eat him, he was running hard in the middle of a busy street trying to escape, but the weird thing was he was running naked. So, to sum it up he was running naked in the middle of a busy street and a large double-layered sandwich was chasing him. He found that really funny and strange but some how had this nice feeling that a great day ahead is waiting for him. Naren knows he still can elude from the exam, all he got to do is run to the institute hospital, like some of his friends, and feign some illness, get admitted. Naren never believed in the oft repeated cliché ‘there are no short cuts to success’ he believed in exploring and choosing the ideal short-cut, he knows eluding is for sure not the apt one. Slowly, Naren turned aside and opened his eyes and what he saw gave him the heebie-jeebies for the first time that day, a sketch of a fist on his white board with its middle finger opened up, which is apparently considered a phallic symbol, definitely not the ideal way to start the day. The next few moments he tried solving the mystery of abrupt emergence of this sign. The white board also had a smiley and a bird drawn next to this 'some kind of Surrealism', he knows he has no time to sit and crack the puzzle, the puzzle of the 3 signs juxtaposed on the board, and couldn’t really recollect anyone coming to the room and drawing it there. So, he postponed the task of deciphering the hidden message in that bizarre art. All he can and all he hoped for now is that little thing called 'fortune' to be on his side. He knows fortune favors all not just the brave and bold, fools are foolish enough not to appreciate it when it favors them, and he is definitely not an idiot or so he believes.

Ten minutes to the quiz, Naren went to the cycle stand only to find his cycle punctured. So, he decided to take a bus. Few minutes later he reached the classroom, and for the second time that day he was flabbergasted by the unexpected; the room was empty. Its 8 o clock, the bell rang and Naren felt like the dog in pavlov’s experiment. The next few minutes he was scampering up and down the building and finally after 10 minutes found the class, apparently there was a prior notice about the change of room and he forgot about it.

The professor in the room was not very happy about Naren walking in late. Professor Tripathi famous for his repartees, wanted to show his disgruntlement, he said

“oh there is an exam going on here, are you sure you are at the right place”

Naren very well knows Tripathi’s knack of sarcasm, he also knows how to defend it

“I guess so sir, I am here to write an exam”

Tripathi with a smirk on his face “oh then I guess (stressing on the word ‘guess’) you are too early for tomorrow’s exam”

Naren had to accept defeat and so he sat down in his chair.

Naren started off by giving a quick glance through all the questions and was about to start answering when his pen slipped and landed straight down on its nib. That never happens to a techno tip, Naren thought, which is supposedly designed so that it always lands horizontal if dropped; this time it just refused to do that stunt. He called professor Tripathi for help and before he could reach him, Naren also realized that he forgot to bring the calculator and ID card too. So the first thing Naren said to Tripathi was “My pen is not working, I forgot to bring my calculator, I don’t have my wallet and so I don’t have my ID card and I badly want to write the exam.”

To which Tripathi first took a pen from his pocket, calculator from the bag he always carries and placed them on Naren’s desk and said “I cannot kill you because I am not allowed to, legally”

Typical Tripathi’s repartee thought everyone else in the classroom........(to be cont.)

zzzzzzz.....

2006-09-05T23:56:00.000+05:30

An iitian sleeping in a class, an act of utter simplicity, yet does that with elegance and craftsmanship which most of the time go unnoticed...but when one actually comprehends the manoeuvres involved in this it would leave them with awe and admiraton...sleeping in class has never been an easy task... even though one many think that professors are soporific machines..this is not completely true...i would rather compare them with incubus or succubus...they sing a lullaby and expects a student to headbang for it... one has to realize that being at the receiving end of the monologue of topics that can vary from "Geometric Dynamic Recrystallization" to "achievements of my talented genius son" and still be able to get some sleep in the class is a herculean task.

Murphy's law of classroom:

Nothing happens as you want it to,like when you want to take a nap you can't and the worst part is when you badly want to stay vigil (for some stupid reason) you will end up in a slumber...even when you have a playboy magazine placed right in front of you.

david robert's(author of shantaram) tip on classroom sleeping will be:

nothing exsists as we see in a classroom. nothing we see is really there, as we think we are seeing it.our eyes are liars. everything that seems real is merely a part of illusion. not you. not me. not the prof. not the classroom. nothing..nothing..

why don't a professor just neglect a latecomer knowing the fact that 'it's never too late'...never.

when will a professor stop making statements like "to solve this is the engineers dream". when three-fourths of the class is sleeping and dreaming... and the rest just dreaming.

oh when..when will they understand that the test which is held on the last friday of every month is not called "surprise test".

one ultimate truth which everyone of them sholud accept is there are two kinds of students..one who sleep with their eyes closed and the other with eyes wide open..

fotos

2006-08-15T18:16:00.000+05:30

thanks to rikko and loda for that wonderful treat which helped me in coming up with this first photo blog of mine .

happy independence day.
thats ganga freshies for you.

krish(caught his alter ego) . . .

fastest man on track(spanklaren).

. . my name is vinodhian
i am an epicurean

ray tracer at work .....

paaps(i have no idea about this one)

2006-06-23T18:03:00.000+05:30

It was six o' clock in the morning; standing before the massive water body i could see the sun rising above the blue sea, so near that i could hear it drone in a perpetual hum as it moved up; so far that it's gargantuan size seemed like a small baby with wings... i could stand there for hours looking at it , meditating with my eyes open i could hear my own breathe pulsating in and out; i could smell the sand dampened in that salty water; i could breathe the water present in the moist air.

It took me a whilst to realize one strange fact about all this. it's six o' clock in the morning and what the hell am i doing here?. And then started an eerie noise which slowly grew into a deafening sound of a train whistling , from no where i could see a train plodding it's way on a platform before me... i was shocked and before i could get out of that woozy feeling i found myself in a railway station filled with people . . . .then what i saw was a beatiful blonde before looking straight at me .. and before i could realize that it was an advertising hoarding my sister popped up from no where which added to the turbulence of the situation.

I was there to drop off my sister and thanks to indian railways the train is 3 more hours late; thanks to the worldcup for i was awake all night;and thanks to the blob next to me and his fluffy hands who is still dozing off.

what's there in a name?( part 2)

2006-05-03T15:21:00.000+05:30

it was a long hard party. i was almost bored to death when i met her.

"HER who is that??" asked me with full excitement ....my friend say # (just trying a new variable other than the usual x.)

me: hhmm...actually i don't remember her name but i do have her number.

#: you have her number!!!! and you don't remember her name...what the heck? ..what did you save it as??

me: oh relax!! she told me her name but i couldn't hear it properly and i don't know why, i somehow hesitated to ask her again. i saved it as a blank one..no name

#: what are you, a moron? how can you talk to a beautiful girl without knowing her....oh wait! was she pretty?

me: yep

#: oh man! i can't believe you...you are of no use..you are like a bird having vertigo.

me: what??

#: nothing..it's just that you are an asshole.

me: ok..ok...just help me out ..i am gonna call her and somehow get the name. but what if someone else lifts it...like her father or brother

#: oh if it's her father say ...can i talk to your daughter ..and if it's her brother tell him ...........
.....daddy's home buddy .

me: come on, i am serious....ok i am gonna sms her first

sms : hi this is kiran , the guy at the party last night ..

reply: oh ya ...how are you doing? .. wassup?

sms: nothing...i kind of forgot your name ....so thought i will ask you ...

reply: forgot!!....but you have my number in your mobile

sms:oh!........ that i saved it as pretty lady.

reply: ok so let it be like that

sms: ya but..you are actually pretty lady no. 4......so it's a bit confusing for me.....

reply: oh..but there is no way you can forget my name..you didn't get it right?

sms: actually yes...because of that loud music....so plzzzz.....

reply: kiran

sms:?????.... ya what??

reply: no,dammit, my name is kiran...................................................................

cool...

2006-04-05T20:24:00.000+05:30

A Bit Of Both

You are 40% Calvin and 60% Hobbes

Calvin & Hobbes, like a scruffy yin and yang, are in perfect balance within you. Like Calvin, you're weird, a bit insecure, and can be a trouble-maker. But like Hobbes, you're down to earth and sensitive. It's a risk to say it here, after just a ten question test, but I'll bet you're smarter than most. Both Calvin and Hobbes are crafty, clever characters, and any one made from equal parts of each is a force to be reckoned with.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 29% on calvin
You scored higher than 48% on hobbes

Link: The Calvin Or Hobbes Test written by gwendolynbooks on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

"what's there in a name?"

2006-03-13T23:52:00.000+05:30

think of some guy you really hate, whatsoever the reason is.....probably you don't like his attitude or even may be because you don't like the brand of perfume he uses...whatever

now suppose you meet a guy with exactly the same name.....what will be your very first impression of this person??

there was this guy say 'x' in my school , i hated him a lot because of his bumptious character....

a few months back i met a guy with identical name.......every time i meet a new person, my brain tries to connect this name with some guy of the past and kind of person he is.
so my first impression on this guy wasn't that pleasing,but the first few words he spoke to me had probably changed my opnion ..........
"hi! i know one more kiran, a very good friend of mine , really nice guy"
we became good friends in the days followed ...recently i was chatting with him and happened to narrate him about the kind of opnion i had on him at first.
to which he replied
when you go meet new people , your heart always guides you more wisely than your head.

exams r fun...errr

2006-02-17T18:02:00.000+05:30

"hey dude, what r u doing? take ur hand off na,which question is that????...'x' who was sitting right in front of me ...... we were in the middle of e-slot quiz.....i was totally frustated .....paper was lengthy,tough,confusing and what not.

"just shut up and let me write" i cribbed

"hey come on, any how u will get some 40-50% marks only, i know u can't go beyond that and it will take some half an hour....so help me.....u have plenty of time left"

"hello!!!!!!......................" i don't know what to say.......truth hurts.

x: "what! so ur not gonna help me"

"yes.. and now don't disturb me"

x: "ha ha....why not......any how i am jobless here...so let me tell u one joke"

i just carried on with my work, really didn't bother to hear him

x: ok tell me .what is the speed of light?

a freshie next to me who was writting physics exam told him the value

x:"ha good.....see freshie enthu....ok now tell me, what is the speed of dark???"

i felt like bumping him there itself...but i was in the middle of something (oh ya...quiz)

after some time he just left the class and came back after some 15 minutes...

i was surprised "hey where were u all this time?"

x: "just got bored, so went to bogs "

"15 minutes in bogs...what were u doing"

x: "hey just write ur exam, don't ask too many questions"

by then i gave up on exam...so it's my time to crack a P.J

"i never saw u writting , do u write with lefthand or right"

x:"right , why?"

"wrong!..u write with a pen.... ha ah ha ah..."

after that the freshie guy next to us also gave up and joined the party.....

oh! what an exam..........

crc

2006-02-08T12:39:00.000+05:30

my friend say 'q' who generally roams around with girls .................oops sorry............... who generally runs after girls ,overheard this discussion of two females during saarang.

female1 to 2 "now that.. we are hear in iit,we should go sit for some professors lecture here"
the other added to it "ya ya i know ...i heard that the profs here r really good"

oh! what a misconception ..........
let me tell u guys about some of my profs

professor 1:
probably this guy's class is the only one where i had to go and sit somewhere in the first 3 rows(defintely not 1st and 2nd).........only because the remaining part gets filled up 5 minutes before the class........
this guy has this strange habbit of repeating some particular words..... one day he was pissed of with one of the guys talking in the last bench.......he goes to him and
"you, tell me how ...how...how can ....how can u shimbly(forgot he is a mallu) reduce the number of components to chonchi one(21)....."
obviously he won't get any reply ........ so he goes to the first bench and"now revi(ravi) will tell us how"
"sir...sir...i think....."
my prof makes a lot of assumptions ...he thinks guys sitting in the first bench actually listen to his class.....
"ha...revi ur almost there....good"(one more assumption)........

sometimes u need not even ask for doubts...at the end of class ...he will pick up one poor chap from the first two rows and "so ...'x' has a doubt....what is it x"
"hhmmmm....sir...why do u"
and he never gets a chance to complete"ha....i know ur doubt ...i will tell you why is it so"

and finally one day
"'x where were you yesterday?...why didn't you turn up for the class?"
"hhmmm sir ...i went to my..."in a very low pitch voice
"what...not feeling well...oh headache ...ok sit down"

the most confusing statment he made "try to imagine the imaginary line on the imaginary plane"

prof 2:the very first class he.... straight comes... takes a chalk piece and starts of teaching.....and he does that daily.........he faces the class only while taking roll call.....and believe me he knows every name in the class.....he is really good at that(obvious ...he knows me by name too)...........
after his first class ..the guy next to me said
"i am sure this guy is some electricl dept. product"
"hey no...then why will he teach us"
"i mean he is not a man"
"what! how do u know that" the guy behind who till then was crashing ..
"no..i mean he is probably a robo"
"hey stop watching all those sci-fi movies..."we just striked of his statement simply...
but today every one in the class has the same opinion ........no wonder if someone actually jumps over him ,strips him and start searching for the power button"

prof3:
this prof has this habbit of saying "life is quiet painful this way...to make life simpler we will do this using cylindrical co-ordinates"
one guy was so much involved in his class that
"sir, what if life is some arbitrary structure ...other than cylinder and sphere"

the other day he asked the class
"what happens to copper if you heat it till 1000 degrees"
enthu boy in the first bench"hhmm..it's gets hotter"
"no..that's quiet obvious.....ok no one......it expands" aah that's great

prof:4
and there is this guy who is teaching for the first time.....so for everything and anything he will compare with his colleague....
"what time does she(the colleague) normally take attendance"
"what time does she leave the class"
"no she is discussing the tut tomorrow,so we will also do the same"

now this how a hypothetical discussion will go between these guys
lets say the discussion is all about the last bench guys troubling in the class (which obviously includes me)
prof1: these...these...these...last bench guys....are disturbing the class....the class ...a lot"

prof3:ya ..ya...these guys are actually making my life painful.....i want my life to be easier......".

prof2: last bench guys ....1.@##$..roll no. mm04b0@#..
.2.#$%^%...roll no. mm04b0@#
3.kiran mm04b023.........things they do in class talk,crash,read novels...
particularly the third one...he is a @#$#$%$%% (censored because it can seriously do harm to my image)

prof1:to prof4 "what about ur class 'x'....are they....are they....they,,they.... not troubling you ..
prof4: i don't know she (the colleague)..never really told me anything about last benches"

lab report

2006-02-01T19:53:00.000+05:30

"what's wrong with ur phone, trying from the past one hour...." i was shouting at him ....when shanti(shantanu mudgal) my classmate replied "ha battery down da"
"ha....no battery from one hour....what's the big use of having it, take it and shove it up your ass"
"relax...u have ten minutes left, just sit and write the lab report fast"

next few minutes i was scribbling the one page lab report and said
"what u just wrote one page, what if she(lab incharge) rejects it"
"hello ...i am the only guy who wrote it..every one else in our batch(of 6 members)just copied it from me.....just shut up and do it fast"

"shit i should have made my own report....she is definitely gonna reject this"

"u have five minutes....do it if u want"

IN THE LAB

"damn man every one has put one extra page with title,name........do u have extra lab sheet" shanti was a bit worried..
"why do u bother about all that crap...she is just gonna look at the content not the ambience, moreover forgot or what...every one has copied it from YOU"i said stressing on the last word.
"look at bogu....has got a plastic folder also"

"hey why do u want to impress that fat lady ra, i told u na it's fine"

she called us roll no. wise and when my turn came i went there and
submitted the one page report confidently smilling as if i made one big research paper in nanotech......

"what's this??? ha just one page,"
she gave an angry look and snacthed the paper from me.......

and then shanti's turn
"and you copied from that guy right....same one page report...."she said shouting at him

shanti was seriously annoyed with that...... came back"i told u ...that illiterate bitch...thinks that if u have one more paper with name and title written on it......it's a lot different from what i wrote.....and look at what is she saying i copied it from U it semms..i am gonna tell her that all u fuckers had copied it from ME"..he said shouting

i was laughing like hell "why da shanti why can't you make ur own report .....now she will screw both of us....just because u copied it all from me"

"how can she even thinmk of something like that...me copying from a dumb ass like you"said shanti ....he was seriously pissed off

"but that's what happened na"i replied immediately

suddenly the lab incharge interrupted "who is mm 24"

now mm24 is shanti .......why is she calling him

"why haven't you stapled ur report pages, do it "she said giving him a staple machine

we both were shocked and shanti went to her and said
"i think ur mistaken,i gave u only one page"

"then what is this?"

every one in the batch went forward to see what's THAT

a same copy of lab report and to the right .......... shantanu mudgal
MM04B024

but wait something is wrong with the hand writting...."oh shit"

a second later everyone there were..... clucthing their stomachs and laughing like mad

shanti turned to me laughing "u r a big jackass copied everything including my name and roll no."

2006-01-28T11:06:00.000+05:30

day zero of saarang
"where can we get tickets for choreo nights" one good looking girl to a vol working near hospi desk
"sold out"
"what???.....we have to perform tomorrow there"
"oh...then u need not buy any tickets"
"ok...it seems the registration for choreo is limited to a few teams,,we badly want to perform there ,,can u help me out.....oh ha can i have ur number so that i can call you up for any help"stressing on the last part
"see i am very low in the hierarchy...."
she interrupts "that's ok....."
and this time the vol"no..no ...my co-ordinator is there go talk to him"
and in the next few minutes the cord tells that he is also helpless in that matter,but takes her number......
next day the vol finds both of them near a grub stall having fun,laughing and what not
(no points for guessing the vol's name...i know he bulbed a bit there )

one big fat lady stands before the collage made and starts clapping ........
when the guy there goes to her
"it's really good,amazing,i can see the hard work involved in it"
"ya thanks it's always tough to make such a big collage,only people who knows that can appreciate the work"
"collag err...oh u use some special paints to paint a collag or what"
no words from the guy,he immediately gets back to work...

a group of girls near taramani guest house wants to take snap there and so asks a student nearby
the guy does it and goes to them........ "may i have ur number"taking his mobile out.

"camera"came back the reply in chorus.
realizing that some one is watching him from a distance
"oh HUTCH ..nice network .....thanks see you then" and gave back thier cam.

one of my friends after s.e.l show......."hhmmm better than last year's k.k show .....but still they played all arbit songs, i know only 3 of the songs they played in the entire show"...............(look who is rating the show.)

the most common thing you get to hear before dance workshop
"that maadher got a girl for workshop da"

"hi, nice ear rings"
thank you....
"ha nice one.......nice one.......hhmm what is it's alloy composition" jobless geek with no words..

participant in wm solo..."the next one i am gonna play is an own composition of yanni"

it was not the day to....

2006-01-12T13:12:00.000+05:30

it was the day of bakrid and so a holiday. i thought why not start mugging on such an auspicious day(i guess it is).so first i started with one of my pmt's ...prof has sent some pdf file the previous day....it starts something like this...subscript notation:"introduced by G.RICCI and popularised by EINSTEIN" . .. oh damn einstein....this man is everywhere.........suddenly some one banged on my door....and it's mayank .. with his long hair like einstein ............he squealed and jumped as soon as he entered my room as if i am wacthing some gay porn there
"what the heck r u doing, stared mugging already"

"no da just got this mail from prof ...having a rough look at it"

"ok do u wanna hear creep..just got the chords"
i thought there is no other option and so followed him ....it started with creep then nothing else matters and went on like that for i guess one hour..........

it was in the aftee when i again got this enthu to mug ...so i started of with the other pmt .......new book i bought it the previous day...so i was reading the preface first...when some one gently knocked on my door...and this time it's my class mate jimmy ...
"oh u r awake, i thought u will be crashing" .... ...oh so this guy here to find out whether i was sleeping or not......
"u know i am planning to sing for saarang's LM,do u wanna hear ..."
ohh again the same option "DO U WANNA" ..i hate it when people say that and won't really give us an option to decide...for the next one hour he was continously singing songs...... ...he sings well but definitely not that good that u can bear him for one hour......as soon as he left i turned to my book and was about to reach it ..oh there again it shouts....and this time it's spanky ....his parents came that morning and they got the novel "state of fear' from bangaloooru......in a way for me.....he is here to give that book......now my full attention was on that new novel and so i started that.......it was night 9 'o' clock when i just wanna give one last try .....so i took my maths tut and wrote the first question's statement ......and paused for a while expecting some one to knock at my door....nothing happened, so happily i was reading the statement again when suddenly some one pushes the door wide open ....oh shit i forgot to lock it.........
"hi.....%$@#@ #$% ru doing there"
seriously it was not the day to start off for this sem...........

happy new year

2005-12-31T18:49:00.000+05:30

"oh ..last time for this year" that's what most people say at this point of time and
"so what's ur new year resolution" a very common question asked. my reply to most of them
i don't have any,because i never took it seriously ...i don't remember my last year"s resolution probably because i am happy with the way i am....and whatever that resolution was i am sure was made just because it's a part of courtesy.......so this time i decided not to make any resolutions ......if at all i need to make one and i need to change myself..i don't need any ocassions like this, i believe i can do that at any point of time..
and finally i am gonna post for the last time in this year..and gonna sign out from this page for the last time ..in this year............wish u a very happy new year.........last time for this year ......good bye 2005 ............lassstt.....ttiiimmeee.............

jobless

2005-12-25T11:56:00.000+05:30

sometimes i feel exams r much better than holidays...i mean long holidays like this ....nothing much to do ,crashing most of the time.....jobless at home ..i thought i will do some thing but what ....mean while my mom had planned for a trip to hyd...just for two days...... not bad...it was bit fun playing all those games like ludo,carroms and snakes&ladder with my cousins ....now i am back to vizag.. jobless again......

and there goes one more

2005-12-05T16:02:00.000+05:30

yes one more sem got over...finally ...........a sem which started with tons of enthu....and i lost half of it on the very fist day....... things that really bothered me this sem... i had wasted six credits for nothing ..two wrong electives one which i took because junta were taking ...maths ..yes it was seriously a boring one ...i had learnt nothing from it.....and the other one is hs ...man a real waste of three credits.. for the first ten days i thought he was giving introduction to the course ....but after that i had learnt that it's not a course at all......... ....and finally two weeks of end sem which was the worst part of the semester. any how past is past and now i really don't care of what has happened ....it's just that the sem got over..and i am back home ..having some nice time here....and i have decided to take electives of my interest from now....

ur grades r more than u

2005-10-20T19:25:00.000+05:30

foreword
it all started when i visited the humanties website the day before hs exam...the first thing i saw on their home page was "U R MORE THAN UR GRADES".... i somehow was not convinced about that , i am not saying grades transcend everything else but to some extent they do .
I am not being ardent and i don't want to debate on this because..............because........ aaah ....i can't... actually i am so much pained with these exams that i can't think of anything else other than grades. so now i am going to write about the quiz week and its effect on people....so here i go
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there are different kinds of reactions ....i mean reaction of students to quiz(ya i forgot quiz is just a written exam )....based on which people are divided into different kinds.
first kind:people who pysche out others, it's very easy to do,just go to everyone two days before the exam and say u are done with every part of the course..........and go ask them really tough questions just before the exam( one or two hours before the exam is the best thing to do) .......

second one:people who make sure that they are always ahead of others and will do anything for that........now how to do this.., first thing don't give ur books and tutorials to others at any point of time....and if someone comes with a doubt, never answer them (better give some wrong arbit fundae's and totally confuse them).... and one more way of doing this which i came across recently ....take all the tutorials available in ur wing two days before the exam and disappear the day before ...
three:people who make sure that they are never behind the herd............these kind of people just do what others are doing ........they do every tutorial u do,read every line u read, ..and mainly if u r planning crash at 2 A.M ,they make it sure that they are not going to bed before that ..... they will sleep only after they r totally convinced that u crashed( this they do it by different ways ..peep into ur room using all possible holes in the door..e.t.c)
four: altruists....most of the time they will be teaching others ...and finally end up failing in the exam(people like this are rarely found)
fifth:very dangerous one's .......they never go to classes, no books and no tutorials ......they will start reading six hours before the exam ....they will come to u take ur books just before u sleep........ best part is sometimes they go to exams boozed ...finally they will put decent grades .....

thats it i can't write more ...got to read for my humanties exam ............................
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about the author

nothing great...just a guy with totally screwed up grades......